Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Self-Medication; What's the Point of it all?

I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself these days.  I'm experiencing uncertainty in several areas of my life, plus discord with one person who means a whole lot to me.  It's eating me up inside.  (Even though I'm right and I'm not going to capitulate.)

But then again, no matter how good I feel, I still ask myself the same question-- why am I here?  I don't really like being alive.  What's the point, really?  It's pretty much the same thing day after day. 

When people say "it's better than the alternative" I say-- "how do you know?"  If heaven is supposed to be a paradise, why aren't more people anxious to get there?  I read the obituaries every day thinking, why can't it be me? 

I just don't get how some people are always so happy to be alive.  Billy is that way.  Because of my depression, I never feel that way.

I believe that if I dropped off the face of the earth, no one would skip a beat.  Oh sure, some people will mourn--for about an hour--and then they will go on with their lives. 

Hell, Billy will have women lined up outside the house if they've read some of my blog posts about him.  He's a saint-- and a lot of fun.  He won't stay on the market long.

In whose life have I made a difference?  Besides my kids, of course.  But even then, I've been a flawed Mom.  I'm not fishing for compliments here; I really mean this. 

What have I ever done to make the world a better place?  Nothing. 

Someone please explain this to me.


I came home from a bad day at work
I like my clients
But the boss is a jerk
A guy cut me off at the Gaskins light
I’d flip him the bird but I didn’t want a fight

That’s what I like
It's a temporary vacation
But I sleep through the night

The dogs got out and the bank just called
My house won't sell 'cause the market is stalled
My job's uncertain; the company's for sale
I need a martini before I can tackle the mail
The doctor said don’t do that girl
It’s Russian roulette
Yeah, but I’ll give it a whirl
Self-medication helps me forget

It can come from a bottle, an herb or a pill
As long as it gives me a thrill
And takes me out of my head
Lets me float around instead
So what if I end up brain dead?


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